By Brandon Hess, CVPM, CCFP
There’s no need to read to the end of this blog to find out this secret, as the secret itself is not the problem. The problem with said secret is finding a way to consistently accomplish said secret. The secret is you. Not only you, but you taking care of you. Helping others is exhausting, and it’s OK to think that. You’re not expected to just “suck it up buttercup” because you chose a helping profession. What is expected of you is to understand that eventually you will not be able to help others if you do not help yourself. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.
To get you started, here are a few keys to self-care:
You Deserve It:
You’re a helper, and a fixer, I get it; I really do. I learned a long time ago that I am surrounded by people that love me, but when they are not around I am the only person that is there to care for me. You have to constantly tell yourself that you deserve to take care of yourself. It’s OK to say no. Saying no to helping someone else means saying yes to helping yourself, or someone else in more need.
Start Small:
Think about something you’ve always wanted to do, or something you used to enjoy doing but don’t do anymore. Now, find one hour a month to do that thing. Everyone can find an hour a month to themselves. I have worked with some of the most challenging cases of work-life balance and have helped people find one hour. Start small. Or, in the words of one of my favorite proverbs: “Dig where the ground is soft”. If you set too high of an expectation for yourself, it will ultimately lead to frustration and defeat. Which leads me to my next point.
Be Realistic:
Why do most New Year’s Resolutions fail? When people set New Year’s Resolutions they generally set a really lofty goal, over a really long period of time. Not only is it hard to hold themselves accountable (because I have all year to lose that weight, right?), but if the goal is not realistic you will never reach it. Psychologically this is defeating; I set a goal for myself and I couldn’t even meet my own expectations?! Set small, realistic, goals and work your way up. Five pounds a month is the same as 60lbs a year, but sounds much more attainable and you’re more likely to hold yourself accountable.
Accountability:
Surround yourself with people that will help hold you accountable, and share your goals with them. If you’re competitive, create a competition of it. I hate losing money. So, I made bets with my friends to reach our goals. If we both reached the goal we set then no one paid. Find what drives you and leverage that. Outsmart yourself!
Own your “R”:
A few years ago I got the privilege of watching a consultant speak by the name of Brian Kight. He had this equation that stuck with me, and honestly changed my life. He calls it the R-Factor. The equation is simple:
E+R=O
Events + Responses = Outcomes
Events are naturally occurring things, you have no control over them. If you do not like the outcomes from those events, the only thing you can control is your response.
The secret to helping others is helping yourself first. Your happiness, work-life balance and job satisfaction is in your hands. In the words of my friends the flight attendants: “In the case of a loss of oxygen pressure, oxygen masks will fall from the compartments overhead. Please secure your mask before helping others secure theirs.” Don’t run out of oxygen. Your friends, family, patients and co-workers are counting on you.