By Carol Hurst, LVT, CVPM, CVJ, CCFP
Is there a problem in veterinary medicine with staff conflict/lack of empathy? If a resounding YES doesn’t come to mind, you may have found yourself in one of those weird “alternate universe” practices that you hear whispers of, but you actually doubt exists.
Seriously, though, in Charles Figley and Robert G. Roop’s book, Compassion Fatigue in the Animal-Care Community, “Problems with Coworkers” was cited as the top 2 concern among support staff. This should come as no surprise. An argument can be made that a lack of empathy can help contribute to the disconnect that can be felt among coworkers. Another valid argument can also be the sense of complacency when you frequent a place for years and auto-pilot engages. Basic neuroscience can explain how our brains like routines and establish neuro-pathways when we create a habit. That’s why they are so hard to break. It is also why you can drive to work or to your home or even to the store and not remember anything about the drive.
What does this have to do with empathy among your peers? It is easy to take the relationships you forge at your clinic at face value. Especially if you don’t actually form friendships. Our primitive brains enjoy creating a social circle. Often, those that aren’t “included” are seen as “other.” Even if you don’t directly intend it. Pair that with the monotony of going to the same place day in and day out, performing the same routine tasks with the same people and it can be easy to start labeling your coworkers with designation that seem to fit instead of taking a step back and finding out what may “really” be going on.
Empathy in the Workplace
Let’s look at an example that I’ve experienced as a manager.
A somewhat private veterinary assistant, who could be perceived as a bit harsh at times, had a particularly grueling week. He covered for someone on a vacation. That was the excuse used by others to justify snappy behavior and an overall poor mood – that he was unhappy about being the one to cover and was taking it out on everyone else. One other assistant and one CSR complained to the manager when he, in separate situations, snapped at or made rude comments. “Everyone” was “fed up” with his behavior.
I sat down with him and started a conversation, detailing a few of the concerns that were noticed. With these conversations, regardless of what the situation appears to be, it is always smart to come into them with a sense of curiosity – and the willingness to learn. If I go into these conversations with pre-conceived notions, regardless of how plausible, I’m already starting off on the wrong foot. It didn’t take much to get him to open up. He had noticed the stand-offish nature of his coworkers and recognized that he had not been exhibiting the most professional behavior. He confided that his Grandfather had recently passed away and he was trying not to bring it into work. Some family had decided to come over on Friday as a “life celebration” and he was feeling a lot of stress about committing to work and wanting to be there to support his family.
What is the moral of the story here?
- Showing or expressing empathy doesn’t mean that someone gets to behave badly or be disrespectful to the team or to clients. You can take possible reasons for behavior into account without using them as excuses.
- This is a conversation either of the coworkers (the other assistant or the CSR) could have had with this person. The conversation would have been more personal and impactful coming from those that had experienced the disrespect first-hand. Not only that, but it can help foster stronger relationships and bonds when we are able to see a glimpse into someone else’s vulnerability. All of a sudden, it isn’t someone being moody about committing to working more. It is about someone being stressed (and expressing that stress in a rude manner) about family obligations surrounding a death in the family. Once again, this doesn’t excuse bad behavior. It can allow you to understand where someone else is coming from and give you the space to express your feelings in return.
- Everyone is going through their own struggles that are often not divulged to coworkers. Showing each other a little empathy and trying to understand where another person is coming from without jumping to conclusions can help ensure everyone sees each other as people, who are all doing their best.
How do you have these types of conversations with coworkers?
Follow these tips.
- Don’t have a conversation until the emotion of the moment has settled down.
- Find a private time and place.
- Erase all preconceived notions about what the other person’s motivations might be. If you can’t start to do that – see #1.
- Go into the conversation with curiosity, using “I” statements about how the situation made you feel without assigning judgement.